Taxonomy of Conservatives

Waggish has determined six categories of conservative, three classic conservative types, and three degenerate types. The utility of his categories is limited. He writes,

Since "conservatism" has had such bizarre associations in the United States for a long time now, I thought I'd give brief accounts of the three breeds that I most often think of in connection with the classical sense of conservative (that is, the sense that still has something to do with the meaning of the word).

With that caveat, though, I think these are pretty good ways to think about conservatives--and funny (if you like your laffs extra-dry). I'd like (but dread) the same taxonomical look at liberals.